Cold Shock on My Heart

3/15/2013

    Every time I do something stupid, and that stupid thing is hit that pipe; the silence of the scream inside me is so loud it cracks the frozen tears ducts beneath the Glaciers I call eyes.

    When will I stop being so worthless?

    Every time those tear ducts crack, I take another hit from that icicle and it freezes the cracks back up again.

    The pain is intense. Have you ever had your hands so cold that it hurt unbearably? If you have then you know the pain, if not, hope you never do.

    The images of their faces in my mind sting my heart every time I do this shit, you’d think the pain would stop me but it doesn’t. The more I do the more bearable the pain becomes to my body. Shock is what I’m going into though. So cold do I become, the pain so intense, I’m into shock because the pain has become bearable, now I don’t know that really….I’m dying.

    How I long for the warmth    that emanates from the light of happiness.

  Happiness is still all in perception, true happiness will come the day I stop being of no value. Happiness will come the day I bring value back to those to whom my worth is priceless, but right now, to them, from my perception; I am worthless. I do not value myself, and because I do not, the hardest truth to admit is that I do not value My Children. I am in shock now, the unbearable cold is bearable. The shock has made me numb, I know I am dying, but the death I feel no more. 

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